Being Joseph By Joseph S. Bonsall “We have as our special guest this morning, Joseph S. Bonsall, the author of the book G.I. Joe and Lillie. Good morning, Joseph, and welcome to the program. Do you prefer I call you Joseph or Joe?” “Good morning. I am honored to be here on the air with you today. Thanks for having me. Joe works just fine.” “Well then....... Joseph, tell us about this wonderful book.” The world of being an author promoting a book, is very similar to a music act promoting a new CD. Yet I must admit, it is a little quirkier. Over the course of my long career with The Oak Ridge Boys I have probably spoken to several thousand Country music and Rock and Roll deejays, and I still do today. But in the book promo universe I find myself speaking to a more diverse group of radio personalities, and it can sometimes be a funny trip. Allow me to backtrack just a bit to the Molly the Cat book days, when I first started to collide with the literary world. All of a sudden I found myself at book fairs, booksellers conventions, and author events. It was a whole new world for me—and a very exciting one at that. But thankfully, my tongue has always been planted deeply within the confines of my cheek, because these author types really take themselves seriously. And some of the people who interview authors think and talk like the puffed-up guy on the 'Inside The Actors’ Studio' interview show. There are many music people who think they are a bit above you because they sing songs for a living, but many actors, and especially authors, win the prize in the inflated-ego department. Quite frankly, I find it all to be a tremendous source of personal entertainment. Instead of doing a lot of book signings, my publisher and I decided to plow through every day with a handful of radio interviews to promote G.I. Joe and Lillie. I am on the road a lot this year and every morning, either from a cell phone, on the bus, or in a motel room somewhere across the U.S. of A., you will find me talking to a diverse group of radio personalities—sometimes as many as six in one day. Between Oaks’ publicist Sanford Brokaw; the Jakasa group out of New Orleans, who has been hired by New Leaf Press to set up TV and radio stuff; as well as the in-house publicity departments at New Leaf and ORB, Inc., I have been one busy boy. Because the Oaks are also pushing our new Colors CD, you can add Spring Hill Music to the group of people setting up interviews. On a side note: the book has provided a tremendous opportunity to promote our new CD on radio shows that might not usually speak to the Oaks—such as talk radio. And the various PR firms have worked together marvelously well in coordinating interviews and making sure each station I talk to is well supplied with books, info, and the new Colors CD. There are, in fact, a lot of great TV appearances coming up for the group and for myself, including Hannity & Colmes, Fox News with Brit Hume, the Cal Thomas Show, and The 700 Club. We have also had a fair share of newspaper coverage; a USA Today Weekend story will run on July 6. However, it is the world of radio where I am spending most of my time, and as I said, it’s a real trip. Talk radio, Country radio, Religious radio, Christian talk, Southern Gospel, Contemporary Christian, Public Broadcasting, Family talk, syndicated, taped, live, in-studio....... on and on. Being Joseph these days means being on the radio somewhere across the fruited plain several times each day, talking about G.I. Joe and Lillie and Colors. I must say, the real blessing comes when the interviewer has read the book. If people actually read my little book, a light comes on. They understand where I am coming from with my story about the lives of my parents. When a host has just skimmed the book or not read it at all, I end up doing all of the talking. That’s fine, but it is even finer when that local radio personality is the one who goes on and on about why someone should buy the book. Ah, but again....... the diversity. Country jocks....... it’s usually early morning, two at a time, guy and girl. Both have been drinking coffee since 4 AM and are ever more hosting the morning show, wide awake and wired, while your author may have just started scooping Starbucks into the Sunbeam. “GOOD MORNING, DAYTON....... Joe Bonsall of The Oak Ridge Boys is on the air with us, live from his farm in Tennessee, and he has a great new book called G.I Joe and Lillie. The Oaks also have a new patriotic-flavored CD called Colors....... Hey, Joe, welcome to the Coyote and Susie show..............” “Uh, good morning.” “Susie, here. Hi’ya there, Joe. How are the Boys? How’s Duane Allen? I interviewed him once in 1986. When are you coming to Dayton.......? “Uh, good morning.” “Great book, man,” yells Coyote. “I read it last night. Heavy, heavy duty stuff, my friend. I never knew you could write like that.” “Yeah, what’s that all about?” chimes in Susie. (Lots of laughter.) “We have to go to a break right now, but Joe Bonsall is with us this morning, so stay tuned! “Uh....... good morning.” I am of course making light of myself here. Rest assured, if I am getting up at 6 AM to be on Spunk radio, I AM going to plug my book and our new CD! I can talk even faster than they can when I get going! I have always been the master of getting my point across within whatever time frame that they may provide. No matter what they ask, I always find a way. Next call....... a public radio talk show out of a major city with some introspective name like ‘Reflections,’ ‘Inside the Author’s Head,’ or something else just as goofy. “The book....... G.I. Joe and Lillie. The author....... Joseph S. Bonsall. Welcome, Joseph, to this premier segment of ‘The Author Gags.’ “Thank you, sir, I am honored to be here today. I can gag with the best of them.” “If you would be so kind as to share with our very sophisticated listening audience, the reason, or perhaps the impetus behind....... or, perhaps even the metaphysical, yet guiding, force that tapped into your creative reserve and allowed you to come up with, shall we say the proper words that describe the....... I hate to be repetitive....... impetus....... as to why this book. ....... as opposed to any other book.............. I was starting to really miss Coyote and Susie. One time, years ago, one of these pompous types asked me about ‘the impetus and true meaning behind the character of Gypsy in the Molly book series.’ I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. I was very tired at the time and all I could picture in my mind was my big black and white cat, Gypsy, sitting at the foot of our bed and licking her private parts. THERE was some impetus for you! I laughed so hard I cried. Mr. Pompous never did understand that interview. Christian talk radio is usually very cool. I have been on the air with some wonderful hosts who really loved my book and gave me tons of quality time to talk about it. New Leaf Press and Spring Hill Music are both Christian companies, and they have a lot of respect out there from religious broadcasters. I can remember only one guy who was a real hoot. Let’s call him Doctor Stuffshirt. “Gooood morning, JOSEPH....... welcome to the show that puts CAAA-RIIIST first in all that we do. I assume that you know the CAAA-RIIIST! “Well yes, Doctor Shirt, I am happy to say that.......” “Because it is CAAA-RIIIST who comes first on this broadcast.” “As well He should, sir. My new book, G.I. Joe and Lillie, published by New....... “Tell me, Joseph....... is HE....... the CAAA-RIIIST the focal point of this book?” “Well, sir, it is a book about faith. But it is also a book about war and romance....... “Heaven and Earth....... soon shall pass but only what’s done for CAAA-RIIIST will truly....... last.” “I agree, the book chronicles the life of my parents, actually from the time they ran away from home and joined the Army, up until the time they are buried in Arlingt....... “LET US PRAY!” It was the longest hour of my entire life. I will end this little journey with my favorite story of being Joseph, and it happened during the Molly era. Molly, The Home, and Outside were published, and the fourth book, Brewster, was just about to be released. I was invited to the prestigious, annual Washington Press Club book event, sponsored by Barnes and Noble. About twenty-five authors of all kinds were to take part in this event. We all sat in little cubicles and the public came in to buy books and have them signed. All of the profits went to a D.C. children's hospital. I had spent the afternoon at the hospital handing out Molly books and it was very rewarding to have done so. Before this diverse group of authors scattered to their booths to meet the public that night, there was a one-hour reception that was even covered by C-SPAN. A Perrier and cheese party, where the authors—and even some members of the press—chatted about their newest book, while daintily eating a piece of Roquefort on a cracker and sipping sparkling water. It was hilarious. A well-dressed woman who had just written a new self help/diet/ motivational book was admiring my red-flowered tie. I told her it was a Rush Limbaugh Collection tie. She backed away from me as if I had stabbed her in the heart. She walked with a cane, and her cane started shaking. She nearly toppled into the Perrier vat....... Did I mention that the Washington Press Club leaned so far to the Left that it resembled the Tower of Pisa? It was a wonder the Limbaugh tie didn’t get me thrown out. But the cake was really taken when a huge, black man approached me and introduced himself as a fellow author. His rhetoric was astounding and as he spoke his jaws actually seemed to bag out and hang down further and further. “I have just written a new book on diiipppllloooommmacccy....... as it relates to the blllaaaaackkk. You see, in the diiippllooomatic areeenaa the blllaaaaccckkk has been basically ignored, and I mean on a world wiiiide level. My book addresses this problem and attempts, if I may say so....... to provide some viable answers. My book is fourteeeeennnn hundred pages long.” He took a sip of Perrier and stared down at me. His jaws were sagging about a foot and a half now. “Joseph, is it?” I was wearing one of those Branson tour bus type nametags. “What, pray tell, is the subject matter of your latest effort?” “I have talking cats.” My friend Steve Robinson dropped his glass as well as his little plate of cheese. Yes indeed. I have had many great experiences in my day job as Joe Bonsall, thirty-year member of The Oak Ridge Boys. And I believe my mother is very proud of her little Joey from Philly. But I’ll tell you, being Joseph has certainly been a unique journey as well.